Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
BY MISSY IRVIN
Where did you learn how to deal with conflict? The ability to effectively resolve conflict is one of the most important skills for a healthy marriage. Yet, most of us have never learned how to do it well. Whether our lessons were learned from our parents and siblings or on the playground, most of us picked up some ineffective conflict habits in childhood that we carry into our relationships today.
One lesson some of us learned was a “get them before they get us” approach to conflict. Oftentimes, this approach comes from having been hurt in the past, and it feels like an effective strategy to protect ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are just the kind of people who tell it like it is and maybe other people just need to toughen up a little bit. Truth be told, we like being right. It feels powerful. Yet, over time, people learn to keep their distance from us, and we succeed in minimizing pain—but we unwittingly keep ourselves from experiencing deep friendship, love and intimacy.
photo by Scott Martin
Another lesson some of us learned from our childhood was that the best way to handle conflict is to avoid conflict. In many homes, we saw that when people got angry, someone got hurt. So, as children, we learned to do whatever it took to keep the peace. In other homes, it was modeled that it’s not OK to have strong emotions. Whether the message was “just get over it” or “big boys don’t cry,” we received the message that concealing our feelings and emotions was how to best deal with them.
When we grow up and get married, we invariably bring our past conflict styles into our present relationship. We tend to develop a dance as a couple. We create predictable patterns in the way we experience conflict. Oftentimes, one spouse will be more of the pursuer, and the other spouse will be the avoider.
The real problem occurs for couples if they never learn to truly resolve their conflict. They have a fight, get angry with each other, get tired of being angry after a couple of days, and then they sweep the conflict under the rug. They pretend like everything is back to normal and move on. The downfall of this approach is that, after years of unresolved conflict, these couples end up with very lumpy rugs. The only way to fully resolve conflict is to learn to hear each other’s perspective, repent and forgive.
The good news is that resolving conflict well is a process that can be learned. None of us are born with this ability, just like none of us are born knowing how to type or how to play a sport. However, if we learn what to do and practice how to do it effectively, we will get good at it over time.
If you would like to learn how to handle conflict well, sign up for The Marriage You Want class. In this class, you will learn the skills needed to have a better marriage. The course will meet April 4 and 5 at Flexware Innovation in Fishers. Register for the class at www.bettertogether.us/class.
BY STEPHANIE FAIRCHILD
I grew up going to church. In fact, some of my fondest childhood memories are associated with the things I did with my youth group. The one thing missing from those experiences was baptism. In fact, I may not have been spiritually ready as a child.
I did not truly develop a strong relationship with Christ until possibly eight years ago. I always believed in Christ, but never really felt like he had spoken to me. I prayed, but was never really certain that I was heard. It was eight years ago that I feel as if I entered into a relationship with Christ. During this time in my life, I was still unmarried at the age of 34. I felt as if my life was passing me by, that I was missing the one thing I truly desired—a family.
I came to the realization that I was making all the wrong choices in trying to control my destiny. I decided at that time to fully relent my future to Christ and trust that He would lead me to my true destiny. It was only when I truly believed that Jesus would guide me on his chosen path that I met my husband. We met only a month after I truly entrusted my future to Christ.
My relationship was further strengthened when I did the same thing after three years of trying unsuccessfully to have a baby. I can still remember kneeling in prayer in my bedroom and fully surrendering the pain to Jesus. It was only after I turned that burden over to God that I became pregnant.
My husband and I have felt God’s grace in the most abundant way as we were blessed with a beautiful and healthy daughter. We actually named her “Grace” as she is the purest form of God’s grace in every way. She just recently turned four, and not once have we taken this precious gift from God for granted. I have experienced other moments where I felt God led me on his chosen path. He has blessed me many times over whenever I have entrusted him with my destiny.
The feeling that I had been disobedient by not fulfilling the Lord’s command to be baptized bothered me. When I have been most faithful and most trusting of Christ, he has blessed my life. Being baptized was my way to demonstrate my love of Jesus Christ and to be his most faithful servant.
I also reflect on something Northview’s Next Steps Pastor Stan Killebrew said during the baptism class. He said, “If you have decided to become baptized, then you have fallen in love with Jesus.” I can honestly say I have fallen in love with Jesus Christ. I am overcome with such emotion as I reflect on how I feel about Christ. In fact, I was at the point in my relationship with Christ that nothing or no one could stand in my way of fulfilling his command to become baptized.
After I made the commitment to attend the baptism class, my husband decided to join me. We have come so far in our relationship and marriage over the last seven years. We are stronger in our marriage as we have invited Christ into our relationship. We worship together. We pray together. We make decisions in our marriage that honor God. We are raising our daughter in a home where Jesus resides. Going through baptism together was just one more way of strengthening our relationship.
Baptism Weekend at Northview (photo by Dennis McClintock)
There are no words to express the way I felt as I went through this experience with my husband. I had no idea that we would be baptized, literally, at the same time. It was an amazing experience to be immersed in the water as one. It was as if we were reborn as one entity in Christ’s love as we were lifted out of the water.
The baptism experience was life changing for me; I feel renewed as a Christian. I strive to live a life that demonstrates that Christ has established residence within my heart and soul. I want that same love to resonate within me to reach all who enter my life, from my family and close friends to acquaintances, neighbors, coworkers and even strangers at the grocery store. I want this example to also be the model for my young daughter. My greatest wish is that she grows in Christ’s love and enters into a personal relationship with Jesus some day.
BY J. MILLER
Saturday evening baptism service at Northview (photo by Scott Martin)
On the evening of my baptism, my husband had been away from our home for eighty-four nights. He had made a mistake—a mistake that impacted our marriage in a significant way. I desperately wanted to forgive him, but his guilt and shame kept him from returning to our home. Baptism for me was the opportunity to bury the old life I knew, the one I thought I had, and be raised out of the pain I was enduring into the arms of Christ (Colossians 2:12).
Eight years prior, I sat in a classroom listening to a lesson about fiscal responsibility by Dave Ramsey. Ironically, this is where I accepted Christ as my savior. The video presentation mentioned how God gave his only son to the world to save us from our sins. As a church veteran, I heard this phrase several times in my life, but never did it hit me like it did that day.
As a woman who desperately wants to have children, hearing this statement hit my heart like an arrow. If I did have a baby, how would I give my only child away? How could I stand to see my flesh and blood walk the road to Calvary and be mocked and ridiculed? How could I let my precious little boy die a brutal death to save generations and generations of strangers? It hit me—I couldn’t do these things—but my God could. He is so full of grace and love; He knew generations of strangers had hearts that would long to be adopted and safe at home and He knew it was only going to happen through the blood of His son.
I left the class, sat in the sanctuary of my car and cried in thanksgiving. What a gift! The sacrifice was great; the love for mankind was even greater. I desired to be a living sacrifice and at that moment began a Christian’s journey.
That journey led me to Northview and to the evening of my baptism. Even though my heart was heavy for my current situation, the joy I felt as I rose from the water is indescribable (John 16:22) and I pray that because I am yoked with my husband somehow he too felt the sanctification.
My eyes stay fixed upon The Lord, the Holy Spirit strengthens me daily and I maintain a compassion for my husband that is truly from God (1 John 4:19). I am uncertain of what lies ahead for my marriage, but I rest in the truth that God does know; He is my shield of protection in this storm and I wait in hope for Him to restore what is broken.
BY ERIC KICHLER
Hi, I’m Eric. I’m 51 years old, married and have a five-year-old son. I adore my family and am finally getting back to what’s important. I have been absent from the church for a long time—since high school, really. My wife coaxed me and coaxed me to come to church for months. I really didn’t want to and kind of resented the fact that she was attending.
I went once and was amazed; church has changed a lot since the seventies and I started going more and more. I saw her join a Life Group, serving, changing and getting baptized. I realized I was missing out on what was important, and what I thought I knew was important was really not!
Things really started to change for me when we went through Dynamic Marriage and I became closer to my wife and Jesus at the same time. I decided I wanted to get baptized right after I saw it was being offered and on the calendar. I was nervous and had some second thoughts, but as I was sitting in church that morning I realized I had been waiting my whole life for this moment and didn’t even realize it until that instant.
I went down stairs and got ready and as I was waiting in line the feeling that it was actually going to happen was almost overwhelming. When Pastor Steve baptized me and I came up from the water I felt that I had shed an old skin and felt reborn.
I will never forget that moment and I know that Jesus walks in my footsteps always.
Here comes the bride at Northview
Posted on: July 6, 2013
BY DIANA GORIN
A wedding at Northview’s Carmel campus
“Say yes to the ____,” “Four ______,” “Big Fat Gypsy _______,” “Who’s _______ is it anyway?” We can all finish these popular TV show titles. As the wedding industry has exploded and the parties get louder, the dresses get more expensive and the cakes get bigger, it’s easy to forget what getting married is about. Marriage is two people making a commitment to God to be in a covenant relationship.
Northview Church’s Greater Lafayette campus had their first marriage ceremony on June 15, and Northview’s Carmel campus has had 25 weddings since 2007. However, getting married at Northview is not a simple just-do-it process. In order to marry on a Northview campus, couples have to be church members and follow an eight-step process that includes meeting with the pastor and their assigned mentoring couple, completing the premarital commitment form, and finishing the Becoming One premarital class. This process is meant to get couples thinking about the important values in their marriage.
Northview member, Cara Chapman, is married to Jason, Director of Production and Video, at Northview. She thought the Becoming One classes were fun because they went through problems that were funny in the class setting, but ended up being serious in the relationship. “We were arguing, but laughing about it – like someone leaving toothpaste on the counter and one squeezes from the top, the other from the side, or the bottom, and you get in an argument about it, but it’s really not important,” Chapman said.
In the classes, the couples discuss their backgrounds and what type of families they were raised in. “He [Jason] does what a husband would do traditionally and I was raised in a very different family,” Chapman said. “I told him I will be working and won’t be able to cook you six meals a day.” Because of this talk, she said they went into the marriage with an open point of view and vulnerability.
From a young age, all girls dream about having their wedding and getting married to that handsome prince who will come and sweep her off her feet. He will bring her to the chapel where a beautiful gown will magically appear, and the couple will get married right then. Life is perfect and they live happily ever after. Thanks a lot, Cinderella, for planting that flawless image in our heads! No one said anything about the Bridezillas, the average wedding cost of $27,000 or 51 percent divorce rates.
The job of wedding director at Northview is meant to alleviate the stress a bride could feel on the day of her wedding to make sure everything is perfect. The wedding director avoids the formation of a bridezilla at all costs. “I coordinate with the couple so that the day of, they don’t have to stress about what they are doing. I take care of all the details,” Northview Wedding Director, Becky Kinney said.
Kinney takes care of everything from getting a drink of water for a bridesmaid to running the rehearsal. On the day of the wedding, she has an outline of what she has to get done every 15 minutes so the wedding is started on time. “When I get together with couples, we always start rehearsals with a prayer, or if they want to, pray before the wedding starts. It’s just to give them some calm because people can be so overwhelmed with the marriage,” Kinney said.
On “Four Weddings” and “Say Yes to the Dress” TV shows, viewers see women spending all daddy’s money on her dress or the venue, without a thought or care in the world. However, this isn’t everyone’s reality. Northview tries to keep the cost low so the wedding can be about what matters – the lifelong commitment of two people in a sacred institution created by God.
Special day at Northview
“[At Northview], they actually care about the people that want to get married there. They are not looking to get money, just pay to cover the costs. They want to be able to condone an environment where people are part of the church and getting married there,” Chapman said.
Northview assigns engaged couples to a mentoring couple. The mentoring couple is meant to give guidance where it is needed, so the issues that will come up in marriage are sorted out beforehand. The two couples–engaged and mentoring–take a compatibility quiz to see the big issues they are running through and how the mentoring couple can give advice in those areas.
“It was nice to be forced to do and talk about the things that help in the planning process of marriage and the wedding. They also set us aside to ask us, ‘Why are you getting married?’ which is important to think about,” Chapman said.
“Though you will disagree every day on all the little things, the things that matter at the end of the day are the ones we can agree on,” Chapman said. “A relationship with the Lord is an important thing in each of our lives, and we can both bring that into our relationship.”
BY NELLIE HARDEN
The very essence of a Life Group at Northview Church is for a small collection of people to come together and share God, encourage and shape one another and live life together. This is precisely what one of Northview’s Carmel campus Life Groups is doing right now as they go through best-selling author Steve Arterburn’s “Marriage 7.0” Northview University course together.
This Life Group was put together only by the grace and strategic gameplay of God, for no person would have ever woven these souls together otherwise. The 13 lives intertwined in this creative patchwork have very divergent histories. The differing geographic backgrounds of the group alone would look like a bingo board on a map of the world. The backstories that are revealed week after week are riddled with pain and joy, discovery, and most of all, our God. Some marriages are old and some are new. Many are recovering from scars of divorce and some are on the cusp of commitment. Still, others are playing in the early stages of the dating game. God put this group together to live out the commandment of “Love thy neighbor,” for where one is weak another can step in and be strong. This group’s commitment to living life together is why they all decided to attend this course on marriage and relationships together.
Arterburn has been sharing his own life experiences and counseling others about marriage from Northview’s Auditorium stage for the last several weeks. Though very entertaining, he is filled with relationship insight that many needed to see and be reminded of.
“For me, Marriage 7.0 has reinforced the importance that both people need to be on the same page spiritually. Both people must also be willing for the marriage to work; one person cannot make it work for the long haul. It is nice to have the support and accountability of my Life Group during the course,” Life Group member Kathy Wiesner said.
The class covers conflict, money, sex, family and resolve while keeping the lessons God-centered. Life Group member Cathy Luebke said she now understands the value of keeping God at the center of her marriage.
“To Stefan and me, this is a way to start our marriage out with additional tools for communication, awareness and conviction. As a couple coming from past marriages, we see the importance of staying in the Word together,” she said. “Doing this course together as a Life Group gives our group tools to help us with accountability. This, and serving in the community together, helps bring our Life Group closer.”
Lives are lived in constant relationship with one another and with the biggest relationship being with our Lord. The tools learned in this course can strengthen the connections with not only a spouse, but also those you live life with. As Life Group member Zaundra McNew stated, “It’s nice to take the class and be able contribute what we learn to our Life Group conversations.”
Cathy Luebke and Bill O‘Patterson Life Group
Going through life, learning and serving together by using the acquired tools to lift one another and keep each other accountable is what this Life Group is all about.
This Saturday, May 18, Northview Church’s Carmel campus will host a live national simulcast with Steve Arterburn. The talk, which will wrap up the Marriage 7.0 course, starts at 9:30 a.m. and ends at 12:30 p.m. Arterburn will be teaching on seven-minute marriage solutions. This is a free event and is open the public. Contact Stan Killebrew, Northview’s Next Steps Pastor, at stan.killebrew@northviewchurch.us with questions.
BY BRENDA ROTH
This writing is dedicated to my Grandmother and Grandfather, Alfred “Bud” and LuVerne Breen. (Aren’t those the most fabulous grandparent names?)
They are in their nineties now and still living in their own home. My Grandfather has recently been diagnosed with cancer and my Grandmother is suffering from dementia. They will pass soon, and our family will mourn the losses of our patriarch and matriarch. This is a true life Nicholas Sparks “The Notebook” story, if ever there was one.
Thirty years ago when my Grandmother was ancient to me, but not very old herself, I asked, “Grandma, what was your favorite age?” She replied, “Oh honey, they’re all my favorite age. There are good and bad things that come with every age.” Wisdom words.
I love you, Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you for the blessing that is my Mom, and the legacy of love you passed down to all of us.
This is their story, as published in the Salt Lake Tribune on January 2, 2009.
Couple, married 70 years, can’t get enough of each other
Jan. 4, 1939 They have no marriage license or wedding photos from the big day,
the same day FDR gave a State of the Union address.
By Jennifer W. Sanchez
The Salt Lake Tribune
Published January 2, 2009, 1:23 pm
Clearfield: For more than seven decades, Alfred and LuVerne Breen have lived as one.
They wrote notes to each other in high school. They raised five children. They fried doughnuts for the neighborhood kids. They struggled through the death of their youngest daughter at age 26. And they know, eventually, one of them will go.
“Both of us hate to talk about it,” Alfred, 91, said. “[Life] would go down pretty fast downhill if one of us passed on. You’d lose your will to live.”
On Sunday, the Breens will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary, and they have no special plans to mark the milestone.
Other than the couple’s word, there’s no proof that they married in the small town of Idswich, S.D., on Jan. 4, 1939 — on the same day President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave the State of the Union address and the same year World War II started.
There’s no marriage license. No wedding photos. Nothing.
LuVerne points out that they were scheduled to wed Jan. 1, but her approval letter from the Catholic Church to marry a non-Catholic was late. And because Alfred was not Catholic or associated with a religion, the couple’s ceremony could not be held in the church building and was instead held in the priest’s house.
“It was not a big wedding,” LuVerne, 87, recalled. She added that her mother cooked and invited guests to her home for a wedding dinner.
The couple dated for about two years in high school before they tied the knot.
LuVerne met Alfred through Alfred’s sister, Dolly. The couple started hanging out together after they went with a few people to a dance. LuVerne worked at the movie theater, and Alfred would visit her.
At first, LuVerne said, she wasn’t interested in Alfred, but she couldn’t resist his charm, good looks and “fun” personality.
“He walked with a swagger,” she said, squinting her eyes with a smile.
Alfred said LuVerne was “beautiful.”
“She was always laughing and full of fun,” he said during an interview Thursday at the couple’s home.
When they started their family in Ipswich, LuVerne remembers paying $7 rent for a one-bedroom house. Alfred worked odd jobs until he was drafted into the U.S. Army in 1945, the last year of WWII. He never served overseas, but the seven months that he was gone was the longest the couple has ever been separated.
About a year later when Alfred returned, the family moved to Igloo, S.D., a tiny government-run town set up to store ammunition after WWII that is now abandoned. He worked as a policeman at Black Hills Ordinance Depot for about 20 years.
In 1965, the Breens moved to Utah, where Alfred joined the security force at Hill Air Force Base. They bought their Clearfield home two years later for $15,000. And they’ve been there ever since. Alfred retired in 1975 and later became Catholic.
Through the years, the couple acknowledge that there were bad times, but they stuck it out.
“Everything in our marriage wasn’t always rosy,” LuVerne said. “There were a lot of bumps in the road.”
Still, the couple — who say they don’t have any major medical problems other than aging issues — said they can’t imagine living without the other. And they know it’s only a matter of time.
The will is ready and the funerals are paid for. They told their kids that they want to be put in a nursing home when the day comes. And they will be buried next to their daughter, Linda, at the Ogden City Cemetery.
Until then, they’ll continue to go to church each Sunday. Alfred will stay up late watching Jay Leno. And LuVerne will have coffee with her friends at Barnes & Noble.
“Every night we kiss each other, and say, ‘I love you,’ ” LuVerne said. “Sometimes, one of us will forget, but the other will remember.”
Want a long marriage?
Alfred and LuVerne Breen said the secrets to their successful 70-year marriage include:
Everyone has faults. “We decided to put up with each other’s faults, rather than find new ones,” LuVerne said.
Stick it out for the kids. LuVerne said divorce is so hard on children, so she never wanted to see hers go through it.
Jobs at home. The couple agrees that they divide up the household chores, from paying bills to maintaining the yard, and each do the jobs in their own way.
Mean it when you say “I do.” LuVerne said when she recited her vows — “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part” — she meant it.
Let the “disagreements” go. “We don’t want to hold grudges,” LuVerne said. “Life is too short.”
A lasting legacy
The couple have five children, ages about 58 to 69: Mark, in Nebraska; Judy, Indiana; Karen, Texas; Bob, Utah; and the late Linda. They also have 14 grandchildren and 36 great-grandkids. Another one is on the way.
“Sometimes, we look and we think, ‘We started all this,'” Alfred said.
The Friday Spiritual Column is entirely the opinion of this week’s writer and does not necessarily reflect the view of Northview Church as a whole.
BY ASHLEY RHUDE
In just 8 weeks (give or take – as newborns seem to have their own time schedule), my husband and I will be blessed with meeting our first child. It is such an exciting time in our marriage and journey through life together. As first-time parents, we have all of these basic ideas of what to expect from watching our friends raise children, being around their children all the time, hearing the stories our parents told us, questions answered by our doctor and the endless pile of books we’ve read through on parenting.
We’ve spent the last 32 weeks preparing the nursery, researching baby products to find the “best one,” stocking up on diapers, talking about how we’ll handle various scenarios, looking for a daycare and the list goes on with all the standard items you have to check off your list. Through all this preparation, we’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how much information we get our hands on right now, we won’t fully be able to comprehend what life will soon be like until our precious baby arrives.
In the midst of this exiting time, we are continually reminded of how important our relationship is as well. In fact, it is the very foundation on which we’ll stand strong together to get through being parents. Since we are full-speed ahead into preparation mode, we’ve spent a good deal of time reflecting on the wedding and marriage preparation mode that we experienced several years ago.
We thought about the classes we took on marriage, the couple that shared a mentoring relationship with us, the lessons we learned from watching our parents love each other as we grew up, the vital discussions we proactively had on money, roles in our home, children, our faith, etc. Our marriage was important to us before it started, so preparing in every way possible was a no-brainer. We made the choice then to build a marriage that lasts – to embrace a partnership that would ultimately aim to make each other happy, but eternally make us holy. I respect my husband for the man of God that he is today and the person he will be become in the future. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband loves me as Christ commands him to do.
Marriage takes work. And I understand that parenting is going to take an incredible amount of teamwork. Our plan is to love God and seek him fully so that our love and respect for each other will be evident in our every day to our child. We desire for him (yes, it’s a boy!), to see how much his parents love each other and see how beautiful holy matrimony was created to be. We desire for him to know that we’ve been given the privilege of being his mommy and daddy, and with that role comes our authority over him. We plan to oversee his obedience of our authority because we love him.
Sounds like a good plan, right?
WRONG.
I’m convinced that as good as all of that sounds, it would mean nothing without prayer. Yes, those are good steps to prepare for marriage and I’m confident we’ve made great strides with those steps in preparing for being parents. But, whenever we put our reflection glasses on and look back at our life together, prayer is always the answer. How did we know we were God’s plan for each other? Prayer. How did we know that we were ready to start a family? Prayer.
Our parents both did so many great things when raising us to ensure that we’d know the power of their love for us. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) reads, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
Well, Mom and Dad, if you stumble upon this blog today, I hope that you can read that verse and look at Eric and I both and feel an overwhelming sense of a job well done. No, we aren’t perfect. But, we are on the right path of loving God and loving others that you sent us down a long time ago.
Mom and Dad, you prayed for your spouse and you found each other. You prayed that God would guide your marriage and he gave you a beautiful family. You prayed for us while we were in the womb. You prayed that you’d be good parents and that God would guide your steps. You prayed with us to accept Christ into our hearts as small children. When we were troublemakers during our teen years, you prayed (probably even harder than normal) that we’d make the right choice. And from a very young age, Eric and I both remember being told that you were praying for our future spouses. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your prayers. They’ve made us who we are today.
Friends, God hears our prayers. We were prayed for before we were even born. Our marriage was prayed for before we even met each other and had our first date. Our unborn child is being prayed for daily. Our parenting game plan is being prayed about constantly as our ideas evolve. It is never too early to fall on your knees and pray for the things that are yet to come.
The Friday Spiritual Column is entirely the opinion of this week’s writer and does not necessarily reflect the view of Northview Church as a whole.
BY SAMUEL KING
My wife and I recently celebrated our 9th Anniversary and it seemed to be appropriate to talk a little about marriage. While enough has already been written on the subject to fill entire libraries, I’m sure that everyone who’s married will agree that no amount of reading can adequately prepare you for what’s ahead! Like everyone else, our marriage has had its stress points, but it has been the best thing I’ve ever done, second only to giving my heart to Jesus.
A couple of years ago, a friend asked whether I thought marriage was like a battle or a cage match. I thought about it for a moment then told him it was like a battle but not the way he was thinking. Our culture is filled to overflowing with all kinds of threats to marriage – not just to the institution itself but also to each and every one of us specifically. A husband and wife are under siege by the forces of darkness in this world. Ideally, they should be standing back to back on the rock of Jesus, unified in purpose, each covering their individual field of fire while trusting the other to take care of their own sector.
Besides the decision to follow Jesus, which determines our eternity, marriage is the single most important decision anyone makes in their lifetime, and it is one which should never be lightly entered into. The relationship between the husband and the wife is the most important and it is the only family relationship that we have a choice about. We don’t decide who our parents are, or our siblings, or our children, but we do choose who we marry. Our spouse is the one person we pick, forsaking all others – including friends, parents, and extended family if necessary. We are joined to not only make each other happy but more importantly to make each other holy – to wear the rough edges off each other and help shape each other to be the best that God created us to be, whatever that may be. We are there to pick each other up when we fall, take care of each other when we’re sick, comfort each other when we’re hurting.
One of the most important things we do, and this may be why marriage is under attack so heatedly, is provide a living metaphor of the relationship God wants with us. The Bible refers to several stages in our relationship with God, each with progressing levels of intimacy. We start with the image of the potter and the clay and progress to the master and servant. From there we move to best friends, and culminate with the image of lovers – of a husband and wife. It also provides a living metaphor of God himself. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (Gen. 1:27, NKJV)”
Marriage is a beautiful, sacred mystery on so many levels. It is created by God for us, not only for our enjoyment but to reflect him as well. Perhaps above all things, marriage shows us the closest picture of who God is.
The Tuesday Spiritual Column is entirely the opinion of this week’s writer and does not necessarily reflect the view of Northview Church as a whole.
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